**MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA** — In a move that analysts are calling “either a bold new recruitment strategy or a catastrophic clerical error,” 72-year-old retired accountant Arthur Fincher last week accidentally accepted a $2 million-a-year senior research position at Google’s AI division.
The confusion began when Mr. Fincher, who until recently spent his days perfecting his sourdough starter and auditing his bird feeder’s seed distribution, received a complex digital document from Google. Mistaking it for an updated terms of service agreement for his Gmail account, he clicked “Accept All” without reading the fine print, which included a non-compete clause and a generous stock options package. The first direct deposit of $83,000 appeared in his checking account two days later. “I thought it was one of those Nigerian prince scams, but in reverse,” Fincher explained from his meticulously organized living room. “The offer letter mentioned something about ‘optimizing foundational models.’ I assumed that was a new tax withholding strategy. My 401(k) could certainly use some foundational optimizing, let me tell you.”
Sources inside Google, speaking on the condition of anonymity, confirmed the offer was intended for Dr. Alistair Finch, a reclusive but brilliant AI theorist known for his groundbreaking work in quantum neural architecture. In the frenzied rush to poach Finch from a rival lab, the recruiter reportedly typed an extra ‘er’ into the email address. In an environment where top talent is “acquihired” so quickly that founders are sometimes onboarded before their startup’s website is even built, the automated system processed the signed contract without a human ever speaking to the new hire. Fincher, for his part, has been diligently trying to contribute. “They keep sending me these papers on something called ‘Large Language Models.’ Very inefficient. I sent back a 40-page report with pivot tables showing how they could reduce linguistic redundancy by 18% and save millions in server costs. I’m still waiting to hear back on that.”
When reached for comment, a Google spokesperson attempted to frame the incident as an intentional, disruptive move. “Arthur brings a unique, legacy perspective to our team. His meticulous, numbers-first approach to… uh… generative pre-trained transformers is exactly the kind of disruptive thinking we need to break out of the Silicon Valley echo chamber. He has already revolutionized our snack budget.”
Moving forward, Google has quietly decided to keep Mr. Fincher on the payroll to avoid the embarrassment of admitting the error and potentially losing the *real* Dr. Finch to Meta, which has reportedly already begun preparing a counteroffer. Fincher has now been put in charge of a new, highly specialized unit: The “Department of Fiscal and Algorithmic Synergies,” where his first task is to determine if AI can be used to file corporate taxes in a way that qualifies as a charitable donation.