Coney Island, New York – The annual Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest took an unexpected turn last week when reigning champion Joey “Jaws” Chestnut was disqualified for using performance-enhancing condiments. The 37-year-old competitive eater was caught red-handed, or rather, mustard-handed, applying a specially formulated “super sauce” to his hot dogs.
Eyewitnesses reported seeing Chestnut discreetly squeeze a small bottle onto his hot dogs before each round. When questioned by officials, Chestnut initially claimed it was just “gourmet mustard,” but further investigation revealed a concoction of capsaicin extract, caffeine, and what Chestnut referred to as “digest-o-max.”
“I thought it was just a new flavor profile,” Chestnut defended himself, adding, “How was I supposed to know that ‘Turbocharged Tummy Tonic’ wasn’t an approved condiment?” Meanwhile, runner-up Matt Stonie expressed his disappointment, stating, “I’ve been training with plain ketchup like a sucker. No wonder I couldn’t ketch-up to him.”
The incident has sparked debate in the competitive eating community. Major League Eating (MLE) spokesperson George Shea announced that they would be implementing stricter condiment regulations for future events. “We’re considering a ‘bring your own bun’ policy to level the playing field,” Shea explained. As for Chestnut, he faces a potential ban from competitive eating for up to one year, during which time he says he’ll be “working on a line of all-natural, performance-enhancing relishes.”