**Portland, Oregon—** Last Tuesday, local graphic designer Melissa Carter, 32, held an impassioned 3-hour seminar in her living room—complete with PowerPoint slides and a Q&A session—to explain to her friends why she simply doesn’t have the bandwidth to chat right now.
“I’d love to catch up, I really would,” Carter said, gesturing to a meticulously color-coded calendar projected on the wall. “But between my 17 ongoing Slack threads, my sourdough starter that’s basically a second job, and the existential dread of unread emails, I’m just *swamped*.” Her presentation included a pie chart titled “Where My Time Actually Goes,” which revealed that 80% of her day was spent “agonizing over whether to text back immediately or wait 3 business days to seem less desperate.” One attendee, fellow designer Ryan Patel, interrupted to ask, “So when *would* be a good time to talk?” Carter sighed and pulled up a new slide: “2025 (Tentative).”
The event concluded with Carter handing out “Sorry I Ghosted You” coupons redeemable for “one (1) rushed coffee meetup, pending burnout levels.” When asked if she’d consider delegating some tasks to free up time, she gasped. “Delegate? You mean *trust* people? That’s a hard pass.” Next steps? Carter plans to launch a Patreon for her “Too Busy to Exist” podcast, assuming she ever finds a spare hour to record it.