In a bizarre twist of fate that could only happen in the quirky town of Gluestick Falls, Oregon, local resident Peggy Puckersworth found herself in a sticky situation last Tuesday when she mistakenly applied industrial-strength superglue to her lips instead of her usual cherry-flavored lip balm. The 43-year-old accountant spent the next three days in silent contemplation, unable to open her mouth or enjoy her favorite pastime of town gossip.
“I just reached into my purse without looking, and the next thing I knew, I couldn’t yell for help,” Peggy attempted to explain through clenched teeth after her ordeal. Her husband, Bob Puckersworth, initially thought his wife was giving him the silent treatment. “I figured she was mad about me leaving the toilet seat up again,” he chuckled. “It wasn’t until day two that I realized something was actually wrong. I mean, Peggy not talking for more than an hour is practically a medical emergency in our household.”
Local authorities were alerted when Peggy’s coworkers at Number Crunchers Inc. reported her absence. Officer Sealy McStickums, who responded to the call, couldn’t help but find humor in the situation. “In all my years on the force, I’ve never seen anything like it,” he said, trying to suppress a grin. “It’s like she took ‘sealed lips’ to a whole new level.” Peggy was eventually freed from her adhesive prison with the help of a specialized solvent and is now recovering at home. When asked about her plans moving forward, she mumbled through her still-tender lips, “I’m thinking of switching to tinted moisturizer. It’s safer that way.”