Manchester, England – A local man’s culinary ambition spiraled out of control last week when his attempt to create the world’s spiciest curry resulted in the evacuation of an entire neighborhood. Derek Scoville, a 38-year-old software developer and self-proclaimed “chili enthusiast,” inadvertently unleashed a cloud of eye-watering, cough-inducing spice that engulfed several city blocks.
Scoville, who had been experimenting with increasingly potent pepper combinations for months, finally crossed the line when he decided to incorporate a rare strain of ghost peppers and pure capsaicin extract into his latest creation. “I thought I was on the verge of a breakthrough,” Scoville explained from behind a hazmat suit. “Turns out, I was on the verge of a breakdown – of public safety protocols.”
Neighbors reported a burning sensation in their eyes and throats shortly after Scoville began cooking. Sarah Thompson, who lives two doors down, recounted her experience: “I was watering my plants when suddenly it felt like I’d been maced by a dragon. I knew instantly it had to be Derek and his curry shenanigans again.”
Local authorities were forced to cordon off a half-mile radius around Scoville’s home as specialized teams worked to neutralize the spicy haze. Fire Chief Alan Pepper (no relation) commented on the situation: “In my 25 years of service, I’ve never had to fight a fire that wasn’t actually there. It’s like trying to extinguish pure regret.”
As a result of the incident, the Manchester City Council is now considering implementing a “Scoville Scale Limit” for home cooking. Meanwhile, Derek Scoville has been ordered to attend mandatory cooking classes and has been banned from purchasing any pepper hotter than a bell pepper for the next six months.