In a bizarre turn of events that has left the residents of Peculiar, Missouri, scratching their heads, local man Darren Grumpleton has filed a lawsuit against the town’s only McDonald’s franchise for what he claims is false advertising. The 37-year-old bachelor is seeking $1.5 million in damages after purchasing a Happy Meal that allegedly failed to improve his mood.
“I was promised happiness, and all I got was lukewarm fries and a toy that didn’t even have batteries,” Grumpleton told reporters outside the Peculiar County Courthouse. “I’ve been unhappy for years, and I thought this was finally my chance to turn things around. Instead, I’m stuck with a plastic Spider-Man figurine that can’t even shoot webs.” The plaintiff’s attorney, Susie Litigious, added, “My client’s pursuit of happiness has been severely hampered by this egregious act of emotional negligence.”
McDonald’s spokesperson, Ronald McDefendant, issued a statement in response to the lawsuit: “While we strive to bring joy to our customers, we cannot guarantee that our Happy Meals will cure clinical depression or existential crises. We recommend seeking professional help for such matters, preferably somewhere that doesn’t have a drive-thru.” Local residents have mixed feelings about the case, with some supporting Grumpleton’s quest for justice and others suggesting he try the Burger King crown next time. As the trial date approaches, one thing is certain: the citizens of Peculiar are about to witness a legal battle that’s anything but happy.