In a twist of irony that has left the small town of Mystic Falls buzzing, local psychic Madame Zara has won the state lottery jackpot of $5 million. The self-proclaimed “seer of all things” claims she was just as surprised as everyone else when her numbers were drawn last Friday night.
“I was in the middle of a tarot reading when my client’s phone buzzed with the lottery results,” Madame Zara told reporters, her crystal ball conspicuously absent from the press conference. “I thought she was having a stroke when she started screaming and pointing at me. Turns out, I should have been reading my own cards instead of hers!” The fortune teller, whose real name is Sarah Johnson, has been a fixture in Mystic Falls for over two decades, offering glimpses into the future for $50 a pop.
Local skeptic and high school science teacher, Dr. Harold Finklestein, couldn’t resist commenting on the situation. “I’ve been telling people for years that psychics are frauds,” he said, barely containing his laughter. “But I guess even a broken clock is right twice a day – or in this case, once in 302,575,350 tries.” When asked about her plans for the windfall, Madame Zara replied with a wink, “I predict a lot of shopping in my future. And maybe a new crystal ball – one that actually works this time!”
As news of the unlikely win spreads, Mystic Falls residents are flocking to Madame Zara’s parlor, hoping to catch some of her newfound luck. Meanwhile, the psychic herself is taking it all in stride. “You know, maybe this is the universe’s way of telling me to retire,” she mused. “After all, what’s left to predict when you’ve already hit the jackpot?”