Chicago, Illinois – Last week, 45-year-old accountant Bob Thompson was stunned when SecureLife Insurance rejected his $12,000 hospital claim, citing a “suspicious” smile in his admission photo as evidence he wasn’t truly in distress. Thompson had been rushed to Mercy Hospital after a nasty fall down his basement stairs, fracturing his ankle and requiring surgery. But the insurer’s forensic photo analyst determined that his slight grin—likely a nervous tic from the pain meds kicking in—proved he was “faking the extent of his agony for profit.”
“I was hopped up on whatever they pump you full of before they knock you out, and yeah, maybe I cracked a smile because the nurse said my beard looked like a lumberjack’s,” Thompson fumed during an interview outside his suburban home. “Next thing I know, they’re denying me because I didn’t look miserable enough? What, do I need to practice my ‘eternal suffering’ face for the camera?” A SecureLife spokesperson, reached by phone, defended the decision: “Our algorithms don’t lie—smiling in a hospital bed is like showing up to a funeral with party hats. It’s a clear red flag for fraud, and we’re saving policyholders money by catching these jokers early.”
Thompson’s lawyer, 52-year-old litigator Dana Ruiz, blasted the policy as “absurdly draconian,” vowing to sue for breach of contract and emotional distress. “If Bob’s smile is grounds for denial, then half the TikTok videos from ER waiting rooms are insurance scams,” Ruiz quipped. The case is set to head to small claims court next month, where experts predict SecureLife might have to pony up—or at least explain why frowning lessons aren’t a covered benefit.