Chicago, Illinois – Last week, local health insurer OmniCare rejected a $5,000 emergency room claim from 42-year-old accountant Harold Jenkins after concluding that he “should have known better” than to attempt a DIY vasectomy using online tutorials and kitchen scissors.
Jenkins, who described himself as a “frugal problem-solver” tired of his two kids’ college fund demands, ended up in the ER with severe bleeding and an infection following the botched procedure. “I figured if YouTube could teach me Excel macros, why not this? Plus, the video had 4.2 stars,” Jenkins told reporters from his hospital bed, wincing as he adjusted the ice pack. OmniCare spokesperson Lisa Hargrove defended the denial in a statement, saying, “Our policy clearly states coverage for unforeseen accidents, not for what amounts to a home improvement project gone wrong on sensitive plumbing.”
The decision has sparked outrage among Jenkins’ neighbors, who started a GoFundMe that raised $1,200 in 24 hours, mostly from amused coworkers. Hargrove added, “We’re not heartless; we’re just practical. Next time, Harold, stick to spreadsheets.” Legal experts predict Jenkins will appeal the denial, potentially dragging the case into small claims court where a judge might rule that even accountants deserve a second chance at self-inflicted stupidity.