### Portland, Oregon – Local Accountant Suffers Egg-streme Setback After Misinterpreting Common Idiom
Yesterday morning in the bustling aisles of a downtown Portland grocery store, 42-year-old accountant Bob Wilkins decided to take the adage “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” quite literally—by ignoring the “don’t” part. Wilkins, who was shopping for ingredients for his weekend omelet marathon, consolidated two dozen eggs into a single wicker basket he found in the produce section. Moments later, while navigating a crowded checkout line, he tripped over an untied shoelace, sending the basket and its fragile contents crashing to the floor in a yolky explosion that covered three square feet of linoleum.
Witnesses described the scene as a mix of chaos and comedy, with Wilkins sprawled amid the mess, muttering about life lessons. “I always heard people say ‘put all your eggs in one basket,’ and I figured it was solid financial advice, like diversifying investments but in reverse,” Wilkins told reporters from the store’s first-aid station, where he was treated for minor scrapes and egg residue. “Turns out it’s not about efficiency—it’s a warning! Who knew idioms could be so literal? Now my brunch plans are scrambled, and I smell like a bad breakfast burrito.” Store manager Lisa Chen, 35, who helped clean up the spill, quipped, “I’ve seen people juggle produce before, but this guy turned a simple shopping trip into an egg-pocalypse. Next time, maybe use a carton—it’s not rocket science, or apparently, proverb interpretation.”
Wilkins, undeterred by the $45 in damaged goods he had to reimburse, says he’s already planning a pivot. “I’m switching to tofu; it’s less breakable and doesn’t come with confusing metaphors,” he added with a chuckle. As for what’s next, local authorities have decided not to press charges, but the grocery chain is considering adding idiom warning signs in the dairy aisle. Wilkins will appear on a community podcast next week to discuss his “egg-xistential crisis,” hoping to educate others on the perils of literal thinking.