New York, NY – Last Tuesday, 72-year-old retired accountant Harold Jenkins passed away peacefully in his hospital bed at Mercy General during regular business hours, only to have his estate billed an extra $4,200 as a “convenience fee” for not holding off until after 5 p.m. The fee, tacked onto his already hefty $87,000 medical tab, covers the hospital’s administrative hassle of processing a death certificate while staff clocks were still punching in and out. Jenkins’ daughter, 45-year-old marketing consultant Lisa Jenkins, discovered the charge while sorting through the paperwork and immediately called it “the ultimate upsell – they couldn’t even let Dad go without a final invoice.”
Hospital spokesperson Dr. Evelyn Hart, a 58-year-old administrator with a penchant for pie charts, defended the policy in a statement to reporters. “Look, our staff works hard to provide 24/7 care, but dying on the clock means overtime for the billing department – think of it as hazard pay for paperwork,” Hart quipped. “If Mr. Jenkins had waited until the weekend, we could’ve charged double for the rush job. Convenience is a service, and services aren’t free.” The fee breakdown includes $1,200 for “expedited notary services” and $500 for “emotional support coffee” for the on-duty nurses.
Family members, still reeling from the loss, have launched a GoFundMe to cover the fee, raising $2,300 in satirical donations with notes like “For the next guy’s exit strategy.” Mercy General insists the charge is standard policy, citing similar fees for births during peak lunch hours. Legal experts predict a class-action lawsuit could follow, potentially forcing hospitals to offer “off-peak dying discounts” by year’s end.