Springfield, Illinois – Last Tuesday, local man Bartholomew “Barty” Butterfield, a 45-year-old self-proclaimed “disruptor of traditional finance” and part-time cryptocurrency influencer, arrived at the Illinois Department of Revenue with a briefcase overflowing with brightly colored Monopoly money. His intention? To settle his outstanding income tax bill. “Look, the Federal Reserve is just printing money anyway, right?” Butterfield declared, fanning himself with a crisp $500 Monopoly bill emblazoned with a top hat. “This is just as valuable as the dollar these days. Probably more. At least this has a clear, tangible value – board game victories.” Tax agent Brenda Jenkins, a 30-year veteran of the department, reportedly stared at the pile of play money for a full minute before calmly asking, “Sir, did you just try to pay your taxes with a small loan of a million dollars from a fictional real estate game?”
Witnesses reported Butterfield then launched into a passionate, albeit misguided, lecture on the inherent instability of fiat currency versus the “immutable, game-theoretic principles” of Parker Brothers. “It’s all about perceived value, Brenda!” he insisted, holding up a tiny, green Monopoly house. “This house, right here, represents a real asset! Can you say that about your flimsy paper dollars? I think not!” Ms. Jenkins, who has seen everything from tax payments made in livestock (once, in rural Iowa) to a man attempting to barter a collection of antique thimbles for a property tax reduction, remained remarkably composed. “Mr. Butterfield,” she reportedly sighed, pushing a stack of real tax forms across the counter, “your tax liability is $8,742.63. Not 8,742.63 Monopoly dollars, not 8,742.63 thimbles, and certainly not 8,742.63 of whatever ‘game-theoretic principles’ you’re currently advocating.”
Despite Butterfield’s impassioned arguments, which included a brief tangent about the optimal strategy for bankrupting fellow players, his Monopoly money was not accepted. He was subsequently informed that he now owes not only his original tax bill but also late payment penalties. Butterfield, undeterred, announced his intention to appeal the decision, claiming the Illinois Department of Revenue was “stifling innovation” and “failing to recognize the emerging global economy.” He then reportedly left, muttering about contacting the “Monopoly Federal Reserve” to see if they offered better exchange rates.