Denver, Colorado—Last week, budget carrier SkyPinch Airways unveiled its latest cost-cutting initiative: retrofitting its fleet with coin-operated oxygen mask dispensers. The new system, requiring a payment of $4.99 in exact change for three minutes of oxygen, was announced by CEO Brad Chetwin as a “game-changer for passenger investment in their own safety.”
“The old model of ‘free’ oxygen was frankly unsustainable and lacked a clear revenue stream,” explained Chetwin, 44, during a press conference at a hangar. “This empowers our customers, giving them direct skin in the game. It’s about choice. Do you pay for oxygen, or do you invest that money in a premium bag of pretzels? We’re putting the power back in the passengers’ hands.” Flight attendant Brenda Shultz, 31, expressed cautious optimism about the new policy. “My only concern is the coin roll inventory. I have to wear the fanny pack *and* demonstrate the safety features. It’s a lot. But the ‘exact change’ rule really streamlines the emergency de-escalation process.”
Industry analysts predict the innovation will quickly spread, with rival airlines reportedly exploring subscription-based oxygen models and a premium tier for “unlimited, ad-free breathing.” SkyPinch confirmed its next project is a pay-per-flush toilet system, currently in beta testing, which charges passengers a $2.50 “convenience fee” for use during turbulence.