Paris, France – A 43-year-old Ohio-based marketing executive is seeking €250,000 in damages from the city after his rental car became trapped in the infamous Arc de Triomphe roundabout for six hours last Tuesday, an ordeal his legal team describes as “a targeted and preventable assault on the American psyche.”
Bradley Jenkins, of Dayton, claims the city’s failure to provide adequate signage or a clear “off-ramp” from the twelve-exit traffic circle constituted gross negligence, leading to severe emotional distress and a permanent aversion to French cinema. “It was a vortex of honking, existential dread, and tiny, unforgiving cars,” Jenkins stated from his hotel room, where he was recovering by watching straight-line drag races. “I saw the same angry mime on the sidewalk seven times. Seven! He kept making a ‘you’re an idiot’ gesture, which, while accurate, was not helpful. I’ve had recurring dreams of a Peugeot giving me the finger.”
A spokesperson for the Mayor’s office, Pierre Dubois, expressed bafflement at the lawsuit. “Monsieur Jenkins passed the exit for his hotel approximately thirty-six times. He could have simply… stopped? Or exited the circle? It is not a black hole; it is a method of traffic flow. We are considering counter-suing for the emotional distress his indecisive driving caused to an entire city.” When asked if any settlement was likely, Dubois added, “We will offer him a complimentary map and a lifetime supply of courage.”
Legal experts suggest the case is unlikely to succeed in a French court but note that Jenkins’s legal team is preparing to take the matter to the American company that provided his GPS. The next step is a mandatory mediation session, which the city has insisted be held in the center of the roundabout at rush hour.