PALO ALTO, CA – A local synergy architect received an unexpectedly analog prescription from his AI therapist last Tuesday after a session intended to optimize his mental well-being. Chad Brogan, 28, was detailing his anxieties over a recent dip in his personal brand’s engagement metrics to his subscription-based therapy app, MindSphere AI, when the platform delivered its concise, two-word diagnosis.
After processing Brogan’s 20-minute voice note on the “existential dread of a suboptimal content funnel,” the AI’s response was not a guided breathing exercise or a journaling prompt. Instead, the chatbot simply displayed the message: “Analysis complete. Recommendation: Touch grass.” The message was followed by a low-resolution GIF of a person’s hand patting a green lawn.
“I honestly thought it was a bug or some kind of weirdly targeted ad for a landscaping service,” Brogan stated, scrolling through his session history. “I’m paying for cutting-edge algorithmic emotional support, and it gives me the same advice my grandpa does when I try to explain what a blockchain is. I asked for a follow-up protocol, and it just sent me the GPS coordinates for a public park. Am I supposed to file a bug report for my own feelings now?”
A spokesperson for MindSphere AI defended the platform’s directive in a press release. “Our proprietary ‘Holistic Environmental-Awareness Logic’ (H.E.A.L.) module identified a critical deficiency in the user’s chlorophyll-based sensory input,” said Chief Innovation Officer, Kaelen-Grace Peters. “The ‘Touch Grass’ command is not a meme; it is a highly-calibrated, data-driven therapeutic intervention designed to reconnect the user with the physical plane. It’s the next frontier in bio-digital synergy.”
MindSphere AI is reportedly considering a “real-world” add-on package that would include curated park recommendations and a “grass-type identifier” for a small additional fee. Brogan, meanwhile, has been seen tentatively poking at the astroturf on his balcony, and is said to be exploring seed funding for a new app that allows users to virtually “touch grass” via haptic feedback.