Los Angeles, California – A 19-year-old TikTok sensation, known online as ‘LeafyLew’ for her dedication to “natural living” and “bio-hacking,” was hospitalized last week after attempting to subsist solely on sunlight for seven days. Sage Evergreen, who boasts 3 million followers and an impressive array of sponsored chlorophyll supplements, was found by roommates in her apartment, reportedly “glowing a faint green” and muttering about “carbon dioxide uptake.” Paramedics were called when Evergreen, instead of responding to questions, began subtly orienting herself towards the nearest window.
“Honestly, I thought it was just another one of her ‘cleanse’ phases,” admitted Willow Stream, Evergreen’s roommate and reluctant documentarian of her more extreme wellness trends. “Last month, it was the ‘dirt-eating for gut health’ thing, which just resulted in a very expensive dental bill. But when she started asking if we could ‘reposition the couch for optimal photon absorption,’ I knew we were in uncharted territory. She kept saying, ‘My mitochondria are singing, Willow! I feel so… autotrophic!’ And then she just… wilted.” Doctors at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center confirmed Evergreen was suffering from severe dehydration, malnutrition, and a mild case of sunburn, despite her claims of “solar energy conversion success.”
When questioned about her unconventional dietary choices, a significantly less vibrant Evergreen, hooked up to an IV drip, explained, “The comments section on my last ‘What I Eat in a Day (Just Air and Good Vibes)’ video was getting a bit… judgy. I needed to push the boundaries of human potential, you know? Prove that we’re all just plants with anxiety. Plus, think of the content! Imagine the ad revenue from a ‘My First Photosynthesis’ tutorial!” Her manager, a visibly stressed individual named Brenda, confirmed that while the hospitalization was “unfortunate,” the engagement on LeafyLew’s recent posts had “skyrocketed.” Evergreen is expected to make a full recovery and has already begun drafting a new TikTok series tentatively titled, “IV Drip Glam: Nourishing My Inner Houseplant.”